Friendship Break-ups

This is honestly the hardest post I've written on my blog, and it's one that I've intended to write for months. I guess I kept putting it off because I hoped that I wouldn't have to write this, that I wouldn't have to find a way to express the pain and sadness that I had been feeling, and that I had been bottling up for so long, because there was simply no way that I could communicate with a friend - once a best friend, how I felt.

The truth of life is that friends sadly come and go. We've all had that friendship in school where three is too big a crowd, and you've always been the one to be let go to find another partner in a class project (this was the bane of my life back in primary school!) We've all had that one friend who fell for the rumour mill and believed it when the cool kids would say you had been bad mouthing them behind their back, and we've all fallen out with friends and taken it too far. I've lost friends because of my anxiety and others for no reason at all.

In this post, I'm going to talk you through three of the worst friendship break-ups I've ever experienced - the three friendship break-ups that have cut the deepest, and the three that are hard to forget.

1) I need to start with the one that was entirely my own fault. I'm finally able to admit that I was naive and stupid, and that I was unable to shrug something so inconsequential off, that I was unable to see the bigger picture. I remember being so excited about starting Uni but equally terrified of the distance this would put between me and my friends. We all attended different universities. When one of my closest school friends asked me to visit her one weekend in another town, I jumped at the chance. I was looking forward to spending the weekend with her, and with my other really close friend who was attending a neighbouring university in the same town as this other friend.

We made so many plans for that weekend. I was to stay at friend A's student flat the first night, and then with friend B on the second night. We had been chilling watching a movie when Friend A's flatmate knocked on her door and asked her to go out clubbing with her that night. She was quite persistent. Now there was no invitation extended to me or my other friend (at least not that I can remember), and this flatmate happened to be Friend A's closest uni friend. However, Friend A had been quite upset a number of times in that first year of uni due to various issues in their friendship, and just as settling into university and making friends didn't come quite so easily at the beginning for me, I should have appreciated that the same could be said for my friend. So of course, she asked me if it was okay that I spend the first night at Friend B's instead, knowing that I was tired and I have always really hated clubbing. Instead of being rational about the situation, and accepting that we were simply swapping nights, I lashed out. I was infuriated. I didn't understand that this was an opportunity for her to settle in further with her flatmates, to ease her own anxieties from being away from home. I didn't get why she wanted to please this person who she had been crying over days before. But then friendships have ebbs and flows, and ups and downs. I know that now. It was just one night. And I made her feel terrible. We were okay after that, but honestly, who would want to be besties with my unreasonable butt for that long?! In the last 5 years, we've met up occasionally but our friendship has never been the same, and I know I'm to blame. I will always wish this friend well though. I always think of her as one of the nicest people I've ever known or been close with, and it was silly to blow everything out of proportion just because she didn't want to say no to going out. I was such an idiot!

2) Way back before my mum moved us out of Central London and into the Suffolk Countryside when I was 12 and just at the beginning of year 8, I had become super close to two girls at my London high school. Everyone knows that the beginning of secondary school can be a really daunting experience, but I found myself fortunate to become friends with these girls really quick. We spent almost every waking moment outside of school together on top of our time in class. So when my mum broke the news that we were moving to Suffolk, I might have been a teeny bit miffed with her, especially because I found it pretty hard to adjust to life at a different secondary school for at least a year or so. I'm pretty sure I refused to talk to her for the first few months!! But Mum assured me that we could still visit each other and it wouldn't change our friendship. It might not have changed things at the beginning but eventually it did.

To this day, this friendship break-up baffles me. My friends came to visit me in Suffolk a couple of times. But then completely out of the blue, things turned rather nasty. Our friendship went from several declarations of 'I miss you' a day, to nasty name-calling. They simply decided that they didn't want to be friends with me anymore, they wanted to swear at me and insult me instead. Sticks and stones surely would have been less hurtful than some of the words that were used. Needless to say, the nasty words stopped. I blocked the girls from being able to contact me and moved on. I still don't really know why it happened, I can only assume that we were all just stupid kids, and that it was simply a case of girls deciding to be mean for the sake of it. I have since bumped into one of the girls at Uni, as she became a student there at the same time as me, and I'm glad to say we were absolutely fine. I'll never call them friends again but know that growing up has probably helped this one resolve itself.

3) Friendship break-up 3 is probably the worst one. It's the one that led me to writing this in the first place, and it's the most recent. It simply goes ignored, and there has been no resolve other than to accept that perhaps we are now just two very different people. I think getting over a lost friendship as an adult is so much harder when that friend just phases you out of their life, pretends you no longer exist, and you have to see your replacement plastered all over their social media channels, knowing that it used to be you, and asking yourself - why wasn't I invited? Why have they given up on me? Why is it, that at a time when I'm meant to be at my happiest (and I am, because I'm planning a wedding to the love of my life), do I still think about what went wrong with my friendship and imagine what wedding planning might have been like had one of my best friends remained by my side? And I simply don't know why. As a bride to be, I can't help but love the thought of attending wedding fairs and dress fittings with my bridesmaids, and having my best girls arrange a hen party. I thought that my engagement would excite all of my friends - that we could catch up and reminisce and start planning together, that they would want to have some small part to play in all of this, or at the very least - want to even see me.

But the one friend who I thought up until a few months ago was a solid 100% bridesmaid certainty, hasn't even attempted to meet up with me. For a few months now, I have felt like we were beginning to grow apart. I know that it's partly my fault, and things may have started to sour when I went away to University and my anxiety kicked in big-time. There has been a lot going on. My nan was hospitalised towards the end of last year, and we almost lost her. I had just started work, and moved away from home. All efforts to socialise had pretty much gone out of the window on my part, but then so did the messages asking me if I was okay, or if I wanted to meet up. I sent messages time and time again, but all were ignored or excuses made. I didn't want our friendship to end, because I treasured the memories of better times so much that she was one of the first people I text when Daryl proposed, thinking that maybe we would see each other as soon as I got home and everything would return to normal. But they didn't, and there is only so much time you can give someone who doesn't want to give you any in return, before you have to assess the situation and be honest with yourself. Maybe it's over. Maybe things just aren't the same anymore. And maybe there just isn't any reason other than that. I really let this get to me at the beginning of my engagement, and I know I shouldn't have, but I simply couldn't help it. I was devastated. It hurt. But I can't keep giving and giving anymore. I guess it doesn't help that I now no longer feel able to pick up the phone and just tell this person how i feel. I can't ask them what I did wrong. Maybe I did do something wrong? But I can't find the path to making amends, and that sucks.

Ultimately, friendship break-ups are really hard. Some might think that the break-up of a romantic relationship might be worse, but friends are often the ones who help you pick up the pieces if that happens. They're the ones you rely on, the ones you'll message when your partner is on the xbox or playing football and you would rather be watching a chick-flick with their company in some kind of drunken stupor. They're the ones you'll reminisce about old times with. At times, it's been made harder by how close my fiancee's friendship group has remained since school and listening to their stories about what they used to get up to. As much as I love that insight, I miss having that same thing with some of my old school
friends. In the end though, friendship break-ups teach you a few things about life, about yourself, and what it means to be a friend, and the memories, no matter how painful, remain precious.

Santorini

Hi there! It's been an age since my last update (I really need to get better at this) but here I am again, and this time to tell you all about our trip to Santorini at the end of May 2017. We had both been extremely excited about this holiday for a long long time and I'm looking forward to reminiscing about what has so far been the best holiday I've ever had. Not only was it our first holiday together as a couple, Santorini will always be special to us both for so so so many reasons (not least because he put a ring on it two days in, but more about that later!)

Day one

After a pretty decent flight on the way over, I was slightly nervous of walking into Santorini's airport which is actually rated one of the worst in the world, but we were fairly quick in reality. Our Thomson rep arranged our transport to the hotel for us, and then we were on our way. I'll admit I was slightly nervous about arriving at the hotel. I had been looking forward to arriving at Amber Light Luxury Villas for so long that I was worried I would be disappointed. I had built it up so much in my head. But OMG even my own expectations were truly surpassed!!

When we arrived at our hotel, we were greeted by two lovely receptionists with a really refreshing drink and taken to our room. When the receptionist opened the door to our room, both our jaws dropped! I'm convinced our room was the best in the hotel. I mean, just look at it!

 

We used our first evening to get used to our hotel and surroundings, chill with a cocktail or two and relax. In all honesty, just thinking about our hotel makes me want to go back. The room was gorgeous, and the shower, heavenly! But the service was also incredible. Major plus points for our outdoor heated whirlpool. This thing could honestly fit at least 8 people in it, it was huge! I loved that although it was outdoors, it still felt very private and the bubbles, of course the bubbles! It was pretty hard to get Daryl out of it most of the time to be honest...

Day 2

I can't believe we actually managed to wake up in time to see a very early sunrise, but I am so thankful we did! Wrapped up warm, we headed outside to sit at the end of our terrace and wait for a peak of the sun. This really was an amazing highlight. Santorini is actually famed for its sunsets, but since we were staying on the sunrise side of the island, we thought we shouldn't miss our opportunity. Personally, I found the sunrise equally, if not more spectacular.

 

 Our first full day in Santorini had us booked on to the Traditional Santorini Sightseeing Bus Tour with Oia Sunset. I booked this tour for us through Get your Guide, and it normally costs around £45 per person, but we were lucky enough to get 20% off at the time. This tour packs so much into one day, it really does! It can be tiring at the end of it, but if you're looking to try and get a good mix of sightseeing and relaxing into your holiday in Santorini, I would definitely recommend it. Plus our guide Christina was fab, and pretty talented. She switched between English and Spanish to our multilingual tour group very easily!

Once we had been picked up from the hotel, the first stop was Akrotiri excavation site. Akrotiri is said to be Santorini's version of the great Pompei. The town was buried in volcanic ash caused by a huge eruption in 1627 BC. It was a really interesting visit and a great introduction to the history of the island.

From Akrotiri, we headed off for a short photo opportunity at the famous Red Beach on the island. This beach is famous for the stark contrast between the blue of the surrounding sea and the highly pigmented red rocks. Interestingly, Red Beach is closed to the public after a certain point because of the dangerous risks posed by the protruding rocks on the cliff above, but that didn't stop the dozens of sunbathers and swimmers in the area. We didn't venture too far though, I'm a bit of a trip hazard as it is!

Next on the itinerary for the day was the traditional trading village of Emporio. Our walk around this village was quite a challenge, as there were lots of small steps leading towards the castle, alleys you could easily lose yourself in, and it was pretty hot at this time of day.

 After our walk around Emporio, we enjoyed some free time at Perissa, a black sand beach! I had never seen black sand before, so this was pretty cool, and I absolutely love being by the seaside, so it was the perfect place for some alone time together. We decided to take shade for a little bit in a quirky bar called Tranquilo, where we feasted on a huge bowl of salad and some fruity smoothies. Very refreshing with a funky vibe.

After Perissa Beach, we then headed to Santorini Winery for wine tasting! Now, I'm not a huge drinker and neither is Daryl, but we can appreciate a cheeky glass of wine now and then. Interestingly, we learned during our visit that the vast majority of people on the island make their living from tourism (hardly a surprise), or from wine. Whilst both Daryl and I usually prefer red wine, it was Santorini's white wine that took us by surprise. Overall, the wine tasting was a fun experience, but the best thing about this place was the view. The view was pretty special!

After admiring the views at Santorini Winery, we ventured up to Profitis Ilias Mountain, the highest mountain on the island, from where we could enjoy some equally incredible views.

 Last on the itinerary for our first full day in Santorini was the famous town of Oia. When people mention Santorini, you would hardly be blamed for immediately thinking of Oia, with its white-washed homes and hotels with turquoise rimmed windows stacked almost on top of each other, and contrasting against the gorgeous coast. Whilst we went back to Oia on the Sunday (more about that later), our first trip there was unfortunately a slight let down. The traffic to get there was absolutely insane, which meant that our time was rather limited in the end. This happened to be because Wednesdays and Saturdays are the busiest on the island because these are popular days for the big cruise ship arrivals, and most, if not all popular tours, end in Oia to see the sunset. This also meant that Oia was extremely busy. The streets were packed with people, and whilst I enjoyed finding a quiet corner to watch the sunset, I also couldn't wait to get back to the hotel as I became quiet anxious as we all headed back to the tour company's office to catch a ride back to the hotel.

It's no surprise that once our tour was over, we were very happy to be back in our hotel room and we hit the hay pretty quickly. What an amazing, but intense day of sightseeing!

Day Three

Given how busy the previous day was, today's plan was simply to relax! And it was definitely my favourite day of our holiday. It will become pretty obvious why in a bit! We spent most of the day chilling either in our hot tub, on the terrace doing some holiday reading, or by the pool.

We also booked some time together in the spa, which was brilliant! The spa at the hotel was so romantic. After meeting our lovely masseuses, we were both treated to a half an hour neck and back massage. I just love being massaged, so this was a real treat. What was also lovely was that the next booking in the spa wasn't until around 45 minutes later, so Daryl and I were left alone to enjoy the sauna and the spa's hot tub alone. It was so calming and for the first time in a long time, I was able to switch off and actually relax (something I usually find quite difficult!)

We spent most of the afternoon by the pool. Given that all rooms either had an outdoor heated whirlpool or their own plunge pool, this meant that the hotel's main pool was hardly ever occupied. I loved having a lie-down or taking the occasional dip, before enjoying a cheeky cocktail or two from the pool bar.

However, here's where the main story of our holiday begins. All day, Daryl seemed as cool as a cucumber, and I honestly couldn't tell that I was in for the surprise of my life, which is crazy, because I'm notoriously impossible to surprise. I began to get a bit chilly around 6pm so I was more than ready to head back to our hotel room and begin getting ready for that evening's dinner. Yet Daryl kept talking me out of it. I just thought he was having a lot of fun floating around in the pool to be honest. I didn't know he was keeping a secret. Eventually we got up to leave, and even the pool's bartender kept us behind with a drink on him. To this day I don't know if he was in on it or not!

When we returned to our hotel, I was extremely shocked to see that rose petals and candles had been laid out all over our room, and that on our terrace, our table had been set with more rose petals, candles and lanterns dotted around it. There was romantic music playing in the background too. I didn't really know how to react to be honest. I started to cry because I felt really overwhelmed by it all but I thought that Daryl was only trying to show me how much he loved me. Even then, I still didn't see it coming!

The restaurant's waiters served us an absolutely incredible five course meal on our terrace, where we also enjoyed some champagne. It was a really special evening, and we talked about anything and everything. Before dessert, talk turned to our future, and before I knew it, Daryl dropped to the floor...on one knee!!!! I started crying, shaking, and laughing uncontrollably. I couldn't quite believe what was happening. It was an absolute dream come true, and of course, I said yes!

 Day Four

Day four I woke up an engaged woman!! I couldn't stop staring at my ring and thinking what on earth had just happened the night prior! I wanted to shout out from the rooftops all over Santorini that I was going to marry the man of my dreams, but I had to make do with a boat instead!

We went on the Santorini: Ocean Voyager 5 hour Catamaran Sunset Cruise. In order to get down to Amoudi Bay to catch our boat, we had to be driven backwards down a narrow road on the cliffside, as there was nowhere for the coach to turn at the bottom! It was weirdly a highlight of the trip!

Whilst Daryl and I both feel a bit sea-sick on boats, we still had an absolutely incredible time on this boat trip. We found an great spot on the edge of the boat to lie down and take in them sun rays, and we had the odd swim in the sea, which was such an amazing feeling despite it being quite cold for the first couple of minutes. We enjoyed a trip to the hot springs, which was a really unique experience, and a fab greek barbecue on deck. I love greek food, probably stemming from all the greek dishes my nan would cook for me when I was growing up, and the constant greek barbecues my Grandad would do no matter the weather. After our barbecue, we watched the famous sunset again from beneath the cliffs of Oia.

 Day Five

 Day five was a chill by the pool and read a book kind of day. How can there be anything better to do?

 Day Six

On the Sunday, we decided to take a trip back up to Oia to wonder around the town during the day. The hotel arranged transport for us, and booked us a table at a wonderful taverna on the seafront at Amoudi Bay, Katina's Taverna. Everything was handled really smoothly and we didn't have to worry about a thing!

I much preferred walking around Oia in the day, despite the heat. We walked through all the little alleyways taking pictures of the mesmerising views, and ducked into small shops full of art and other treasures, and ate ice cream. It was great to sightsee together for a few hours as a couple. Also a major must if you're visiting the island, is to visit Atlantis Books. This is a world famous book store, and it's so quirky and full of mesmerising drawings and quotes on the walls from some of the world's best literature, and even has a large range of first edition books on sale. I'm a total bookworm so obviously going there the once wasn't enough! Then came another highlight of our holiday! We had to walk down over 300 steep steps covered in donkey poo to get down to Amoudi Bay! It was difficult and I was shaking by the end of it, but it was super memorable! And boy was it worth it to enjoy our lunch consisting of the freshest fish! It was among the best few hours of our trip!

Day Seven

We spent our last day in Santorini again at our hotel. With little time left before we would have to head back home, we made the most of our gorgeous room, the pool, the whirlpool and the food, which leads me on to...

The Food

I love food and the food we had in Santorini was among some of the best food I've ever tasted, so obviously it needs a special mention! The food at our hotel was spot on. I didn't eat anything I didn't like. The buffet at breakfast had such a variety, but personally, I need to another club sandwich in my life. At 17 euros for a sandwich (yeah but it is the best sandwich in the world), Daryl and I had to budget quite tight and share these bad boys for our lunch. It was very much worth it though!

The End of our holiday

We were both absolutely gutted to leave Santorini. It really turned out to be everything I had dreamed of, and so much more. We got to do most of the things we wanted to do, except for a visit to CineKamari, a popular outdoor cinema. But that just gives us more reason to go back sometime! Besides, I couldn't be too upset at the thought of leaving, I was ready to launch myself straight into wedding planning (which I have done, and deserves several blog posts on its own!)

Ultimately, I would recommend Santorini to anyone looking not only for somewhere romantic to go away, but somewhere with great weather, food, and gorgeous views.

Chrissy

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